Wives, Survive!

Doesn't it sometimes feel impossible to cohabit with men? Well, I have a few tips that would work for me if I lived by them consistently. I have been married for almost 4 years, and my husband and I started dating over 10 years ago. We have two young children. It is hard to live by these, but I have seen them work! 

1. Choose your battles wisely! If we chose to fight every battle we would drive ourselves, not them, crazy! Vow to not lose it when he does not take out the trash after asking him for the third time that day, does not help get the kids ready even though you've asked him to every week for the past year, or asks you the same question you feel like you've answered everyday for the past week. Vow not to holler at him when he leaves his socks in the middle of the floor again or when he leaves his dishes in the sink after you just finished cleaning up the kitchen. Promise me you won't storm off and slam the door when he seems to have missed the toilet bowl again, when he fusses at the kids for all of the wrong reasons, or when he is sitting on the couch with his feet up while you run around trying to get the kids in bed at a decent hour. Don't punch him when he gets major attitude with you but you are never allowed to have a bad day or when he fails to compliment you when you look amazing today. Don't freak out when he's moved something you really needed or trashed something you wanted to keep. Don't lose it when he argues against your way of doing something when your way is the only way that could possibly make sense or when he doesn't listen to you when you know what you're talking about.  Don't overreact when he doesn't get back to you about something he said he needed to think about or something that you shared that he couldn't acknowledge during his busy day. And I have NEVER complained about the toilet seat being up; that is one of those things I definitely realize is petty! Hold your tongue! Keep your fists (and frying pans) to yourselves!

1.  I have started to just walk away. Our irrational and angry reactions do not change their behaviors anyway! Aren't we still repeating the same things until this day even though we insisted on angrily trying to get our points across? When we walk away and don't explain, they actually get worried because they feel "out of the know". They start trying to fix whatever could possibly be wrong. You save yourself the headache and get what you want! The nagging we too frequently do just causes them to rebel. It's so frustrating but so true!

2. I am working on not only walking away but also walking away as if nothing is wrong! This is called leading by example and being the bigger WOman. You would be teaching your children how to peacefully interact with others also. Choose a time to calmly share your issue with the incident at a later time. But make sure it's a worthy incident, not just one of our petty pet peeves! Remember to use "I statements", and keep it short and sweet! As soon as you start to attack (no matter how nice your tone) or going on and on, he stops listening!  Include comments about the things you appreciate!  Here's my example: "Honey, I love the fact that you helped me get the kids and groceries out of the car yesterday.  That was so helpful to me.  It makes me feel less overwhelmed by all that I have to do.  Can you try to do that everyday?"

3. Find a marriage counselor/therapist! It is my goal to save some of those tough conversations for our counseling session. Then there is a mediator/a "referee", and you will be on your best behavior in front of this third party whom you want to look civilized in front of. You may find yourself wanting the counselor to be on your side, so you have to make a convincing and rational (calmly spoken) argument!

4. Do not express your anger or disappointment in front of the kids or anyone else, for that matter! We should know this already, but it sometimes slips. My husband hates this! It will definitely cause him to react bigger than he may have without witnesses. That seems backward, but my husband has to feel like and appear to be the one "in charge", the manly man, and refuses to feel "disrespected" (even though it may not have been your intention to disrespect him at all) in front of others.

5.  Make him feel like he is right, like he is the best man who has ever walked the earth.  This should be at the top of the list!  Don't disagree with him, but sneak your pointers and suggestions in during peaceful "I statement" moments or right after other happy moments.  Praise him for everything he does that you like.  Keep him well fed, and keep the house clean!  It's called training, Ladies!  It works wonders!  He won't even realize he's under "your spell".

6.  Keep him physically satisfied.  This is tip # 1 or 2!  When he feels full/content in that area, he has trouble finding things to have issues with.  I find my husband is more rebellious, less likely to "cooperate", when he has issues with me.  He doesn't have as many issues with me when he is satisfied.  It relieves stress for both of you too!  A man's physical needs may vary, but satisfying him more than once a week would probably be a good place to start and doing some of those risky things he dreams about.   

 http://hubpages.com/hub/tipsforasuccessfulmarriage